Tonight, I had a crazy revelation. I was getting played. OK, not really. But I sure was getting tricked into generating certain feelings towards someone who I highly respected and admired. And the fact that it was so subtle and confusing was the worst part.
For a while I thought it was real. I even talked to a few of my trusted friends about it and they claimed to have noticed something going on, but I always denied it because I wasn’t even sure whether those feelings were true and if they really existed, or if it was just my imagination.
Anyway, certain events have led me to believe that my emotions got the best of me. And now (thanks to some good, trusted friends) I’ve got a clearer idea on what the picture really looks like. Though I may not know exactly what was happening, and whether or not those feelings are valid on both ends, at least I know for a fact that I won’t be dwelling on things and won’t let it bother me so much anymore. I don’t need to spend any more time on it.
Yes, I was heart broken for a minute -I fit the descriptions and was experiencing the symptoms of a broken heart, and was even diagnosed by a friend - haha! But I’m okay… I’ll be okay. There are other things that make me smile, and at least I don’t have to figure out if those are real or not because they are!
Sorry if I don’t make any sense. But this is just me recording my thoughts. Goodnight xo
I really wanted to write something tonight. While I was driving earlier today, I thought of a good topic to write about, but obviously I couldn’t write it down. And now I can’t remember!
Now it’s close to 2a.m. and I’m here trying to write about writing, or not being able to write because I have no topic to write about! Ugh! So FRUSTRATING! I really wish I knew what it was I wanted to write about.
Anyway, lately I’ve been thinking a lot. And not just about one thing, but everything, and also a lot of nothing. I don’t know… I’m just trying to stop myself from overthinking things and I’m trying to escape from certain feelings that I’ve started to feel.
I honestly don’t know why I suppress my feelings and deny myself of feeling certain ways. (As I was typing that sentence, I had a nostalgic moment which brought me back to my pre-teen years when I’ve first started noticing boys…WOW!) OK, well, I basically just gave it away.
Anyway, I’m heading for bed before I talk more than I should. Goodnight/goodmorning to you.
Me: I’m at the front desk and I just saw a guy with a hot bod go through the secured doors, but I didn’t see his face. Don’t know who it is…
Me: Never mind, I know who it is…
Me: He looks better from the back!
Me: Just like this other dude who I wanted to stalk, but then when I realized who it was, I was like…
And then I was like…
And then finally, I made this face…
True story. The End.
In the last two days, I’ve been going through some kind of anxiety. I’m not really sure why, or what’s happening. I just feel like I haven’t really been myself lately.
I’ve had lots going on in the last two weeks - different events, deadlines at work, catching up with friends, studying for midterms, meeting new people, sister coming home for a week, blah blah blah… it’s overwhelming! I don’t know why I do this to myself. Regardless if things happen all at once or simultaneously, I still end up feeling like I’ve been thrown on a curveball. It sucks sometimes. Maybe I just need to learn to slow down… I get excited over things to easily sometimes, and I guess that’s what causes me to be anxious. It’s really not even necessary… I just need to stop over thinking everything.
Anyway, I should sleep. Got so much on my mind that I just had to think and type at the same time.