It’s pretty sad how people seem to act so selfish and prideful with their every actions & words. Whether it’s right or wrong, and whether or not it affects the person next to them does not matter. All that matters is that they’re happy with themselves. They see nothing wrong with what they do, how they do it, what they say, and however it affects another person - good or bad. Because they’re perfect. In their eyes, there’s nothing wrong with anything that they’re doing. They’re just being themselves. And if you try to tell them they’re wrong… it wouldn’t matter. Because they don’t care. All they really care about is whether or not they’re happy with themselves.
The good thing is they don’t let anyone or anything affect them. The bad thing? Well, there’s kind of a lot to count, but one thing is that they don’t see how their actions affect the people surrounding them.
So I just finished taking my final exam for my Tax Accounting class…. man, that was BRUTAL!! I don’t even know how I did, nor do I want to think about it. At the same time, I kind of want to beat myself up for not doing better. I don’t know my final grade yet, but I know for sure this is by far the worst semester of college I’ve gone thru…
And that’s kind of difficult for me to accept, even if it is my first semester at a university.
Throughout my life it feels like I’ve had some kind of struggles to deal with in school… (it’s a long story, so I won’t get into it)… and yet, I’ve made it through every single one of those difficulties… mostly on my own. I mean, yes, I had some support from family, friends, classmates and professors, but you have to realize that the biggest support comes from within. And that’s why school is so important to me! I’ve gone thru so much, and I still managed to get over the obstacles that came my way. I didn’t let anything or anyone tell me I couldn’t. Nothing was going to stop me.
Yet here I am… feeling so defeated after this long, overwhelming, and exhausting semester. I find myself asking the question: “Why am I doing this again?” Seriously, I’ve had all sorts of people (friends, supervisors, strangers) asking me why I’m torturing myself with going to school for Accounting. “Why don’t you just focus on your photography and make money there?” Is the question I’d often get from people.
Well, truth is, as passionate as I am with photography and what not, I feel like going to school and getting a degree is something that I need… for myself. I’m not going to school because my “asian” family expects me to have some doctorate degree or PhD in anything… I just want to be able to accomplish something that’s not easy. Am I crazy for that? Probably. But I want to prove it to myself, not to anyone else, that I CAN DO IT.
So with that said, yeah - my semester SUCKED! And yes, I probably will have to take certain classes over again. And yes, I’m sure I’m not going to be happy with my grades, BUT I won’t let that stop me from pushing through. I refuse to be told by any one class or any professors or anyONE that I am not good enough, or that I’m not cut out for this industry. Because I AM. And as cheesy as that sounds, I know it’s true. I don’t have to prove it to anyone but me.
Overall, this semester definitely has been a learning experience. I learned a lot about myself - things I’m good at and things I need to work on. Made new friends - lifelong friends. I even got myself a mentor! =) So… I will definitely will take this break from school to mentally prepare for the next one, regardless of what happens (how bad my grades are - yikes!) and start new.
I’m really honestly starting to think that I’ve got an eye for fashion. I seem to be attracted to certain styles/trends before they even become popular to the crowd. But I’m in such a DL (meaning, I’m not famous) that nobody really notices!
Seriously, it kind of surprises me when I read/hear about the latest trends or upcoming trends, and then I look at my most recent purchases, even stuff I’ve started obsessing over from 2-3 months back… I already have them!
Then I end up not wanting to wear most of these stuff because I don’t want to look like a trend follower…
"This is my favorite song/movie/tv show/(fill in the blank)"
What are these? These are thoughts and feelings that lasts either a lifetime…or not at all.
See, the problem is, most of the time, we think we mean something when we say or feel them because we’re “in the moment,” but the second that we think of something else, it changes…and sometimes, it goes away as quickly as a snap of your fingers.
Sincerity usually only lasts for the moment you’re feeling that exact feeling.