Ok, whatever. I’m just blogging about this because there’s really no one I want to talk to about it, but uh.. here it goes…
I don’t know how many times this has happened to me, but when a guy comes up and shows interest, I automatically become so insecure and lose all confidence. And I’m tired of it!
This is usually what happens: Guy approaches me. Then I think “Oh, cute!” Then he looks at me and smiles, then I go, “Omg, why is this guy here? Why is he talking to me? Wait, is he really talking to me? Ahhh! How do I look?! OMG, I look gross right now, don’t I?! AHHH, I DO!! FML! What do I do?? Ugh!! Why do you have to be soooo gorgeous!?!?!!”
Then I start to act all weird and insecure and then walk away from the guy. Then I go in my corner and think, “Why did I just do that?! I just let that go… NOOOO!”
I then usually think about it for days until I get over it. Usually I never see the person again. But there have been occasions where I’ve ran into each these guys and something happens, but only to recapture that first moment and then it ends… at least more satisfyingly the last time…sometimes.
This only happens when there’s interest on both ends, tho.
Because nights like tonight where I feel so alone isn’t something I’d like to experience any time at all. I mean, yeah, I guess it’s good that I’ve got some free time to finally catch up on all the never-ending things I have to get done… but I don’t like how everyone seems to be out of reach. I just don’t like the fact that you gotta put so much effort in getting a hold of people sometimes.
I know a lot of the times I’m pretty busy and I guess everyone knows that. But I hate the fact that when I have nothing to do, nobody seems to be around…
I don’t know… I guess I’m having a void feeling tonight. And I don’t like it!
It's true what they say, expectations can sometimes be the reason why you're not happy. But if you live freely and just head towards the direction of your goals, and not worry so much about what others think, you'd be surprised at what comes your way...
Man… Tomorrow’s Monday already? Feels like time just goes by faster and faster each year, no?
Anyway, I had an interesting night last night. Not because of what I did (celebrate my girl Tina’s bday with great people!)…but what was interesting are the conversations I had…
Sometimes, it really is best to not know anything and keep it that way, you know? It’s weird. I remember just last week I was overanalyzing this whole “thing”, and now, I don’t want to know any more about it. I believe the saying “Be careful what you ask/wish for” is accurately appropriate in this situation.
I’m not gonna go in details, but all I’m going to say is this: Things are not always as good or as “magical” as they seem… you never know, you might be getting fooled or being used by people. Just keep your guards up is all I’m saying.
Don’t get me wrong tho… Nothing bad happened, just a few eye openers, that’s all.
Yesterday, someone implied that getting attention from a certain person should be a “confidence booster” for me…
I thought about that for a while, deciding whether it was an insult or a compliment? Somehow, I think it’s kind of like saying that person giving me attention was them doing me a favor. Well, I don’t really like the sound of that!
So I woke up this morning feeling motivated for some reason. Got up at 5am, and decided that NO ONE is going to give me confidence but me! I’m not going to rely on another person to do me any “favors” like that. I’ll work for it! Because when I get it, it’ll mean much more. And it will be more like a continuous motivation on its own.
So starting today, I’m working on my own confidence. Don’t get that confused with being arrogant or cocky tho! Just watch. ;)
Ugh! I honestly don’t even know how to categorize this… this thing!
It’s either the best of both worlds or just two awkward situations happening at once!
I can’t stop thinking of it! And the fact that we’re totally acting as if everything is normal is kind of killing me. My need to analyze this whole situation is starting to become an obsession for me and that’s not good at all!