Ok, whatever. I’m just blogging about this because there’s really no one I want to talk to about it, but uh.. here it goes…
I don’t know how many times this has happened to me, but when a guy comes up and shows interest, I automatically become so insecure and lose all confidence. And I’m tired of it!
This is usually what happens: Guy approaches me. Then I think “Oh, cute!” Then he looks at me and smiles, then I go, “Omg, why is this guy here? Why is he talking to me? Wait, is he really talking to me? Ahhh! How do I look?! OMG, I look gross right now, don’t I?! AHHH, I DO!! FML! What do I do?? Ugh!! Why do you have to be soooo gorgeous!?!?!!”
Then I start to act all weird and insecure and then walk away from the guy. Then I go in my corner and think, “Why did I just do that?! I just let that go… NOOOO!”
I then usually think about it for days until I get over it. Usually I never see the person again. But there have been occasions where I’ve ran into each these guys and something happens, but only to recapture that first moment and then it ends… at least more satisfyingly the last time…sometimes.
This only happens when there’s interest on both ends, tho.
Because nights like tonight where I feel so alone isn’t something I’d like to experience any time at all. I mean, yeah, I guess it’s good that I’ve got some free time to finally catch up on all the never-ending things I have to get done… but I don’t like how everyone seems to be out of reach. I just don’t like the fact that you gotta put so much effort in getting a hold of people sometimes.
I know a lot of the times I’m pretty busy and I guess everyone knows that. But I hate the fact that when I have nothing to do, nobody seems to be around…
I don’t know… I guess I’m having a void feeling tonight. And I don’t like it!